Who's that guy?

A couple nights ago, I hopped over to Tony's, a local bar, and got a chance to talk to Isaac (who prefers not to reveal his last name) a 22-year-old audio production major from Cleveland, to get a male perspective on the dating scene at OU.

*(Although Isaac didn't want his last name floating around the depths of the internet, he did let me snap a candid photo as I was interviewing him.)

Lauren: How do you approach a girl if you see her across the room and you're interested in talking to her?

Isaac: I usually will just ask her to dance, buy her a drink or just say "how are you?"
simple things like that. Lots of dudes don't ask girls to dance because they can't dance themselves. You can ask a girl to study with you or ask her out to lunch too. Just think of an excuse to hang out with her and get to know her that doesn't come off too strong.

Lauren: How important do you think the beginning stages of getting to know someone are? I'll use the phrase the "courtship period."

Isaac: I'd say it's pretty important if you're trying to date someone. If you're trying to just sleep with them it's not that important. As long as you squash the awkwardness in the beginning, that's all you gotta do.

Lauren: What do you think the different levels of commitment are here at OU, ranging from the loosest level of commitment to the most extreme?

Isaac: Hmm, well I would say the loosest would be you see this girl only on the weekends, or every other weekend, you don't keep in touch with her throughout the week and you mess around with other girls.

The next level would be that you see her on a somewhat regular basis and have one or two other chicks on the side, but you are mutually aware of the fact you're seeing other people.

A step up from that would be being exclusive, but you can do something with another girl as long as the one you're dating doesn't find out.

The final step would probably be exclusivity, no courting other women. I think...
Lauren: What phase do you think most guys are at on campus?

Isaac: I would say the majority of the guys at OU are stuck in the first phase.

Lauren: It's just my opinion that the girls on this campus aren't necessarily on the first step of this 'ladder of commitment,' how do you think that fares?

Isaac: I guess girls that these guys end up with may be guy crazy. They trick themselves into believing that the guy's they're with are going to commit, but they're not.
Lauren: Where do you go to meet girls when you're in the mood?

Isaac: If I want to meet someone I'll go to Casa or the Union because I can dance with people there. It's a lot easier than going up and trying to start a conversation with someone.

Lauren: Do you think the bars are a good place to meet potential partners?

Isaac: It depends on what you're looking for. If you want a one night stand they're a better place than most, but it's not an especially great place if you're looking for a relationship.
Lauren: Do you ever tire of being single?

Isaac: Yeah I do. It really depends on what stage of my life I'm in though.
Lauren: What stage would you say you're at now?

Isaac: Well right now I'm at the end of my college career and headed onto a new stage so it's hard to say at the time. I know that one day I'd like to settle down, but that day's not today.

Well there you have it folks. This may just be one man's opinion, but I do believe it counts for something!

Making it work

I've spent a lot of time chatting with single students on campus, so I thought it would be a good idea to talk to someone in a committed relationship and get their perspective on dating in Athens. I talked to Maja Blanusa, a senior here at OU studying International Business and Marketing. Maja has been in her current relationship for going on one and a half years and shared some thoughts on her relationship and gave some advice for single students:

Lauren: How did you and your boyfriend meet?

Maja: We met through a mutual friend and we started hanging out. I think we met at Donkey Coffee...

Lauren: Did you like him when you first met him, or did your feelings develop over time?

Maja: When I first met him, I wasn't really looking for a relationship to be honest. We just started hanging out for awhile and it kind of turned into a relationship. I was new to Athens and was more interested in making friends than finding a boyfriend.

Lauren: At what point did you guys get serious?

Maja: It's funny, I didn't even realize were dating when we apparently were. I just thought we were hanging out. I think he [my boyfriend] was trying to determine what our situation actually was and I wasn't really concerned about that. Then we had a conversation and I told him I don't want to force the relationship on myself, and could we take it day by day and see what would happen? I guess we've been taking it day by day for a year and a half now!

Lauren: Do you think it's hard to find relationships here at OU? Would you consider yourself lucky?

Maja: I think it's kind of hard to find relationships here because it's a college town and people come and go. This is a transitional place, you're searching for yourself and trying to find out who you are, and I think it's hard to find somebody that is willing to accept that ambiguity about yourself---if you don't know who you are, how will you know what you're looking for?

Lauren: Do you have any advice for students in this transitional period?

Maja: Just be yourself, don't try to force anything on yourself and do whatever you find appropriate. If you don't know what you want or what you're looking for, just be honest. I think that is one of the keys to dating successfully and trying to have positive relationships.

Lauren: Where do you think the best places are to meet people in Athens?

Maja: Definitely not the bars, it's too loud and it's really hard to talk to people. I would say coffee shops or quiet restaurants, social groups, and student organizations that you might be involved in.

Lauren: Do you and your boyfriend go out on dates?

Maja: Yes we do, from time to time. We'll go to restaurants, like for example we went to a cafe in Pomeroy that has a nice patio that looks over the river. We also go for bike rides a lot, go to the movies and we have dinner almost every night together.

Lauren: Do you think you've missed out on any of the college experience by having a boyfriend?

Maja: I feel content in the relationship that I'm in right now because I think it's a very productive one if that makes sense. It allows me to be myself and allows me to do whatever I want, it's really nice.

While some students may consider Maja one of the lucky few that was able to find commitment on campus, it may just all be relative, depending on what you're searching for. I came across a column by a student at Penn State who explores the idea of the expectations in relationships. After reading it it had me thinking...maybe OU isn't much different from other schools after all?

Love Language

After talking to a few people, I began thinking about the language that we use to define our relationships. Without doubt, our love language as I like to call it, has evolved over time and terms like "going steady" don't reside in our modern day vocabularies. I'm curious if the words and the phrases we use today to define our relationships are essentially defining the same dating behavior in years/decades/centuries past, or if our dating behavior has evolved with our language. I know that was a mouthful, but I'm going to answer my own question and go with the latter.

I decided to get a student's perspective on some of the modern terms we use to label our relationship statuses and ended up finding Christine Wojtasek, a junior majoring in English Literature and Spanish, who had some very interesting takes on the modern day language of love.

Here are the terms I prompted her with followed by her reaction:

"Talking" to someone: When I first heard this word I was like “talking” what do you mean “talking?” you can talk to anyone. But I like the term now and started to use it because it’s not as official as dating, but it’s not as unofficial as just being friends.

Hooking up: When some people say hooking up they mean making out or fooling around, but whenever I hear the term used I always interpret it as having sex with someone. If I were to use the term hooking up or if I hear it, I assume that it’s not serious and it’s just for fun.

Going out: When I was younger, when you said you were going out with someone that was your official boyfriend, but it’s not as widely used now. Now you say “this is my boyfriend” or “this is my girlfriend,” “going out” doesn’t have the same effect.

Dating: If I’m dating someone I guess it’s not as far as boyfriend or girlfriend, but it’s more serious than just talking to a guy. I guess it means I’d be going out with them and possibly be interested in taking it to a more serious level, but I guess the term is contextual.

"Seeing" someone: I never really use that term, but I guess it means dating?

Complicated: This means you were seeing a guy and got into a fight---I think Facebook kind of invented the term “it’s complicated.”

Official: If it’s official, then it’s official dammit! Especially if it’s on Facebook, enough said. But really, I don’t like to announce relationships on Facebook because then it’s kind of like everyone’s going to be up in your business. If the relationship ends like two weeks later, 230 people are going to know that you just got dumped.

Although I find the student perspective most appealing, I found a video featuring psychologist Lillian Glass who defines a few modern dating terms and offers a few words of advice for those who seek it. While I believe these terms are up for interpretation, it's still interesting to see what she has to say about the language of love.


Getting A Date: Basic Dating Terms

Love's a Brewin...

Almost every night of the week you can walk up and down Court Street and be guaranteed to find students happily and drunkenly stumbling out of the bars at all hours of the night (although most people do wait until last call). Thursday is the unofficial start of the weekend here at OU and before the sun has set, you can bet there are already hundreds of students imbibing spirits at various bars in pursuit of a good time. What is this “good-time” you ask? While I may not know the exact answer to that question, or what it is that drives each individual to pursue it, I did some research and engaged in careful observation and I think I might be on to something…

I got the chance to sit down and chat with Bruce Reede, an OU graduate and bartender of six years at Jackie O’s, to talk about the dating scene at the pub, and some of the methods used to pick up potential love interests.

Reede describes the overall mood of Jackie O’s as being laid back and non judgmental, which in many ways sets it apart from many other bars on Court Street. From what I noticed, the flirtation at the bar seemed to be a lot more subtle than at some other bars uptown (I won’t be naming names). Reede says the same but claims there are of course, exceptions to the rule.

“We do get people here that frequent other bars and their main intention is just getting laid,” Reede said. There go those “other bars” again...

I then asked Reede how often single people come to the bar alone looking to connect with someone.

“People generally don’t come to the bar alone, and if they do, which is usually during the day, they’re probably not coming for the same thing.”

At night it’s usually a different story, and Reede says that when single people do come to the bar they’re probably coming in with friends, but not surprisingly many of them arrive with the goal of finding someone to take home.

“Every single night there’s a handful of single people, male or female, that are looking to get laid one way or another,” said Reede. “You can tell when people are flirting together.”

Although this scene is not at all uncommon, Reede says there are a few bar goers that try to establish genuine connections with one another that might not immediately lead to the bedroom. By merely observing body language Reede says he gets a pretty good hold of what’s going on.

“You notice the difference of a conversation between two people that are trying to see if they’re compatible or not, and two people that are just ready to get drunk,” Reede said.

As far as who is more aggressive in terms of seeking out potential partners, Reede said “Males might be more persistent when it comes to rejection,” and that buying drinks to break the ice or to get mouths open, so to speak, is one way to pick people up.

Reede admits (and I agree) that sometimes buying drinks for people may be more tricky than you might think.

“I think it’s probably the best way to jumpstart a conversation, but you have to be persistent as the buyer to continue that conversation. I mean everyone’s going to be receptive to a drink, but not everyone’s going to be receptive to your conversation.”

I asked Reede what he felt were the best ways to approach someone at a bar and he said “Basic things like ‘What’s your name?’ ‘How are you doing tonight?’ Certain things that may appear to be non aggressive and non intrusive”

Reede himself claims to be more of a traditionalist, and to my surprise, actually used to term court to describe the beginning stages of getting to know a girl.

“You talk to a girl, you ask her out,” Reede said. “There’s a certain way of going about things before you get to bed, that’s about the most intimate you can be with a person, there should be some sort of communication and knowledge about the other person.”

While Reede might have a different and more traditional approach to dating, it appears that other students and bar-goers are in search of that “good-time” I mentioned earlier. Maybe it’s not that they aren’t interested in taking the time to get to know someone before they take them home, maybe it’s just that the bars aren’t the right place to do it. Either way, let the good times roll…

*Photo taken from Jackie O's MySpace page

Season's Greetings

Ahh Spring is in the air here at Ohio University. The bees are buzzing, the birds are chirping, and the booze is flowing (okay, so two of these things indicate a change in season...)

As the temperature hikes up and students emerge from their quarter long hibernation, they find more and more ways to be outside, bringing with them a much needed surge of life and energy to campus. College green, in its winter months, littered with decaying leaves and patches of dead grass finally lives up to it's name in the spring time. Students find spots between the shade and the sun to rest and sip cold drinks before and after classes. Couples lounge on blankets while an assortment of puppies prance around the greenery eating people's leftover food, and drawing an inordinate amount of "awwwws" and "omg's!" Spring time is really something magical here in Athens.

People's spirits generally appear to be high during spring quarter here. Whether they're counting down days till the next "----fest," or counting down the days until summer, OU is a relatively happy campus this time of year.

It seems fitting that during these happy months people's confidence boosts along with their spirits. It's at this point that something akin to spring fever takes hold, and hormones soar to almost unmanageable levels, leaving students with no other option but to put their exaggerated levels of estrogen and testosterone to good use.

This folks, is where I come in. See, spring time may perhaps be the best time of year to observe the performed dating rituals of Ohio University students *adjusts safari hat*. In this here blog, I plan on plunging into the depths of student life to take notes on the dating and mating rituals of my fellow peers. I use the term courtship to describe the methods used to attract, woo, and 'court' potential mates (I know this all sounds very National Geographic). While the more traditional definition of courting may seem dated to a few, I am attempting to redefine courtship in a way that is both meaningful and representative of my generation, specifically here at OU.

While the dating game is something that many of us participate in, we don't necessarily have a dialogue about what our "dating and mating" behavior reveals about us in a generational, societal, and cultural sense. With this blog, among other things, I would like to explore how dating varies in different social circles, what the dating trends are today and how they may have differed from past years, how serious relationships are on campus, how people feel about hooking up, one night stands, etc.

There shall be some captivating photos, links, and interesting interviews from students and community members in the near future, so please stay tuned for updates as I go out into the "field" and do my research. In the meantime, here is an interesting article I found that explores the modern day art of courting. I hope you all find this as interesting as I do!

Until later,

Lauren