Who's that guy?

A couple nights ago, I hopped over to Tony's, a local bar, and got a chance to talk to Isaac (who prefers not to reveal his last name) a 22-year-old audio production major from Cleveland, to get a male perspective on the dating scene at OU.

*(Although Isaac didn't want his last name floating around the depths of the internet, he did let me snap a candid photo as I was interviewing him.)

Lauren: How do you approach a girl if you see her across the room and you're interested in talking to her?

Isaac: I usually will just ask her to dance, buy her a drink or just say "how are you?"
simple things like that. Lots of dudes don't ask girls to dance because they can't dance themselves. You can ask a girl to study with you or ask her out to lunch too. Just think of an excuse to hang out with her and get to know her that doesn't come off too strong.

Lauren: How important do you think the beginning stages of getting to know someone are? I'll use the phrase the "courtship period."

Isaac: I'd say it's pretty important if you're trying to date someone. If you're trying to just sleep with them it's not that important. As long as you squash the awkwardness in the beginning, that's all you gotta do.

Lauren: What do you think the different levels of commitment are here at OU, ranging from the loosest level of commitment to the most extreme?

Isaac: Hmm, well I would say the loosest would be you see this girl only on the weekends, or every other weekend, you don't keep in touch with her throughout the week and you mess around with other girls.

The next level would be that you see her on a somewhat regular basis and have one or two other chicks on the side, but you are mutually aware of the fact you're seeing other people.

A step up from that would be being exclusive, but you can do something with another girl as long as the one you're dating doesn't find out.

The final step would probably be exclusivity, no courting other women. I think...
Lauren: What phase do you think most guys are at on campus?

Isaac: I would say the majority of the guys at OU are stuck in the first phase.

Lauren: It's just my opinion that the girls on this campus aren't necessarily on the first step of this 'ladder of commitment,' how do you think that fares?

Isaac: I guess girls that these guys end up with may be guy crazy. They trick themselves into believing that the guy's they're with are going to commit, but they're not.
Lauren: Where do you go to meet girls when you're in the mood?

Isaac: If I want to meet someone I'll go to Casa or the Union because I can dance with people there. It's a lot easier than going up and trying to start a conversation with someone.

Lauren: Do you think the bars are a good place to meet potential partners?

Isaac: It depends on what you're looking for. If you want a one night stand they're a better place than most, but it's not an especially great place if you're looking for a relationship.
Lauren: Do you ever tire of being single?

Isaac: Yeah I do. It really depends on what stage of my life I'm in though.
Lauren: What stage would you say you're at now?

Isaac: Well right now I'm at the end of my college career and headed onto a new stage so it's hard to say at the time. I know that one day I'd like to settle down, but that day's not today.

Well there you have it folks. This may just be one man's opinion, but I do believe it counts for something!

Making it work

I've spent a lot of time chatting with single students on campus, so I thought it would be a good idea to talk to someone in a committed relationship and get their perspective on dating in Athens. I talked to Maja Blanusa, a senior here at OU studying International Business and Marketing. Maja has been in her current relationship for going on one and a half years and shared some thoughts on her relationship and gave some advice for single students:

Lauren: How did you and your boyfriend meet?

Maja: We met through a mutual friend and we started hanging out. I think we met at Donkey Coffee...

Lauren: Did you like him when you first met him, or did your feelings develop over time?

Maja: When I first met him, I wasn't really looking for a relationship to be honest. We just started hanging out for awhile and it kind of turned into a relationship. I was new to Athens and was more interested in making friends than finding a boyfriend.

Lauren: At what point did you guys get serious?

Maja: It's funny, I didn't even realize were dating when we apparently were. I just thought we were hanging out. I think he [my boyfriend] was trying to determine what our situation actually was and I wasn't really concerned about that. Then we had a conversation and I told him I don't want to force the relationship on myself, and could we take it day by day and see what would happen? I guess we've been taking it day by day for a year and a half now!

Lauren: Do you think it's hard to find relationships here at OU? Would you consider yourself lucky?

Maja: I think it's kind of hard to find relationships here because it's a college town and people come and go. This is a transitional place, you're searching for yourself and trying to find out who you are, and I think it's hard to find somebody that is willing to accept that ambiguity about yourself---if you don't know who you are, how will you know what you're looking for?

Lauren: Do you have any advice for students in this transitional period?

Maja: Just be yourself, don't try to force anything on yourself and do whatever you find appropriate. If you don't know what you want or what you're looking for, just be honest. I think that is one of the keys to dating successfully and trying to have positive relationships.

Lauren: Where do you think the best places are to meet people in Athens?

Maja: Definitely not the bars, it's too loud and it's really hard to talk to people. I would say coffee shops or quiet restaurants, social groups, and student organizations that you might be involved in.

Lauren: Do you and your boyfriend go out on dates?

Maja: Yes we do, from time to time. We'll go to restaurants, like for example we went to a cafe in Pomeroy that has a nice patio that looks over the river. We also go for bike rides a lot, go to the movies and we have dinner almost every night together.

Lauren: Do you think you've missed out on any of the college experience by having a boyfriend?

Maja: I feel content in the relationship that I'm in right now because I think it's a very productive one if that makes sense. It allows me to be myself and allows me to do whatever I want, it's really nice.

While some students may consider Maja one of the lucky few that was able to find commitment on campus, it may just all be relative, depending on what you're searching for. I came across a column by a student at Penn State who explores the idea of the expectations in relationships. After reading it it had me thinking...maybe OU isn't much different from other schools after all?

Love Language

After talking to a few people, I began thinking about the language that we use to define our relationships. Without doubt, our love language as I like to call it, has evolved over time and terms like "going steady" don't reside in our modern day vocabularies. I'm curious if the words and the phrases we use today to define our relationships are essentially defining the same dating behavior in years/decades/centuries past, or if our dating behavior has evolved with our language. I know that was a mouthful, but I'm going to answer my own question and go with the latter.

I decided to get a student's perspective on some of the modern terms we use to label our relationship statuses and ended up finding Christine Wojtasek, a junior majoring in English Literature and Spanish, who had some very interesting takes on the modern day language of love.

Here are the terms I prompted her with followed by her reaction:

"Talking" to someone: When I first heard this word I was like “talking” what do you mean “talking?” you can talk to anyone. But I like the term now and started to use it because it’s not as official as dating, but it’s not as unofficial as just being friends.

Hooking up: When some people say hooking up they mean making out or fooling around, but whenever I hear the term used I always interpret it as having sex with someone. If I were to use the term hooking up or if I hear it, I assume that it’s not serious and it’s just for fun.

Going out: When I was younger, when you said you were going out with someone that was your official boyfriend, but it’s not as widely used now. Now you say “this is my boyfriend” or “this is my girlfriend,” “going out” doesn’t have the same effect.

Dating: If I’m dating someone I guess it’s not as far as boyfriend or girlfriend, but it’s more serious than just talking to a guy. I guess it means I’d be going out with them and possibly be interested in taking it to a more serious level, but I guess the term is contextual.

"Seeing" someone: I never really use that term, but I guess it means dating?

Complicated: This means you were seeing a guy and got into a fight---I think Facebook kind of invented the term “it’s complicated.”

Official: If it’s official, then it’s official dammit! Especially if it’s on Facebook, enough said. But really, I don’t like to announce relationships on Facebook because then it’s kind of like everyone’s going to be up in your business. If the relationship ends like two weeks later, 230 people are going to know that you just got dumped.

Although I find the student perspective most appealing, I found a video featuring psychologist Lillian Glass who defines a few modern dating terms and offers a few words of advice for those who seek it. While I believe these terms are up for interpretation, it's still interesting to see what she has to say about the language of love.


Getting A Date: Basic Dating Terms